Who is your graphic designer?
Who is this strange creature that sits before you with a mind full of creative starbursts and coffee constantly on the boil?
There is a typical clichéd impression of the average 'designer/artist' in most people's minds eye, lets go through these ridiculous theories one by one.
1. We Drink Coffee By The Bucketload
Come on now? Our 'profession' makes us want to drink coffee to excess? That's just silly *slurp*.
Yes, it's true. After being in the company of them for over a decade I'd estimate that 90% of designers have a coffee problem. I'm putting it down to the fact that most creative types don't want to get out of bed at a normal working hour and are naturally night owls.
Apparently creatives are more 'creative' at night or indeed with sleep disturbance.
This rhythm forces us to carry out large percentages of our work in the evening when we feel strangely tired yet creative, assisted by substantial volumes of caffeine of course.
2. We Like Coffee Shops
Well ... durr they are full of coffee, so of course we do. But why else?
I suspect it's something to do with feeling like a French artisan, looking out the window pensively with a coffee in one hand and pencil in the other imagining oneself to be far more creative than one actually is.
Enjoying the feeling of freedom that comes with being an artist; I'll work when I damn well please and where I damn well please. I'm a creative God dammit.
3. We Download Like A Mother
Rarely technologically shy, I suspect many designers have a disturbingly large collection of movies and music that they don't have the dust jacket for if you know what I mean. Lets leave it at that.
4. Things Need To Line The Hell Up
We do not sit in people's houses feeling unable to take our eye off that picture frame that is 2mm out of alignment with the centre of the wall, and we never align our coaster straight with the edge of the table it's sitting on.
5. We're Poor
Ha ha ha, that's ridiculous, this is a well paid profession! Ok, ok, but we're not rich that's for sure.
6. We Hate Our Own Work
This isn't true, this one is geniunely a myth.
Few things compare to looking at a completed piece of new genius, feeling incredibly proud. The client is happy and your peers are lauding you for your startling new piece of creative wow.
Hang on a minute. Is that corner out of alignment with that character? Tsk. Never mind it's still gorgeous work and no one will notice.
Well, I guess the other designers might notice with their beady little perfectionist designer eyes. How long before one of them notices I wonder?
Oh God I'm useless, I'm really useless, and actually now that I look at it, it's a cruddy piece of derivative turd really that everyone has seen a million times already.
I don't know why the client is even happy. I fact, I'm a failure, a crushing failure, who cannot design for shit.
7. We Fancy Ourselves As Photographers
I don't know any graphic designer that doesn't wield a camera constantly as though they are the latest David Bailey.
Taking shots at 'creative angles' or in black and white ... with their cheap point and shoot (or fancy DSLR if they get paid enough to afford one), and putting them up on Facebook surrounded in a Instagram haze for their non photographer friends to marvel at.
I think all graphic designers secretly wish they were photographers too. We are consumed by photography fantasies.
8. We Can't Do Math
What tosh, I used to be a mortgage advisor before I became a designer, and the fact that the computer did most of the adding up for me is neither here nor there. And I don't feel that my inability to even understand what the hell sudoku is (or have the faintest interest in finding out), is pertinent.
9. It's Not A Home - It's An Art Installation
It's true, it's just one more place to be creative. Don't even think about so much as picking a colour scheme without consulting your graphic designer partner, because you'll just get it wrong (in their eyes).
That's right, sit down pet and let me 'design' the house, because you don't know what you're doing. Sssshhh.
10. We Work In Our Bedclothes
Why, I'll have you know I'm a professional, whether I work from home or not! *bluster*, and really if it's before midday is it REALLY actually 'working'?
I rest my case.